Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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