After last night, I could never be a politician.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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