I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
