There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
