So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
