So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
