On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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