we have officially lost it.
I wish you could order shots online.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
