you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
