It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
