Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
