If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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