Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
