the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
