would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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