meet me or not, i'm out of control
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
