I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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