come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
