Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
