she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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