It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
