you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
