hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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