Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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