i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
