one two three fourrrrnication!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
