She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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