wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
