Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
