It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
