Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
