sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
