You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
