You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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