What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
