I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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