some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
