Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
