I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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