glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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