For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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