i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
