time to smoke my breakfast
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
