you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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