Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
