His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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