I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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