i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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