I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
