i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
3pm strippers are depressing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
