i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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