...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
