Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
