can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
