this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
