Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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