that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
