Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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