I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
