I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
