its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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