Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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